Writing for the sake of writing

I am sorry to all of my diligent followers for the long pause between my blog posts. I wish I could say this pause has been due to my extremely busy lifestyle, but it’s actually just because of my debilitating laziness.

In this month long pause I have learned another word: kansamnida, which means thank you. I swear I’ve thanked for more things in the last month than I have in my entire life! Korean makes me a much nicer person, as my only two expressions are smiling and thank you, things I rarely do in actual life.

Unrelated selfie from a dog café

I’ve also become quite the master of the Korean national sport, which is Karaoke singing. There is a karaoke bar almost on every street, featuring such classics as Backstreet Boys or Taylor Swift! I have made many people cry so far with my emotional performance of Hero by Enrique Iglesias, which has become my new favorite song. Okay, it was always my favorite song…

Karaoke

More Seoul related observations: Seoul is a city made for couples. So many foods are made for two and so many activities are romantic. The first time I went sightseeing with two guy friends, we went to Seoul tower, which is fully geared toward romance (tickets for two and couple pictures all around) and we ended up looking like a romantic threesome. Last example was when I tried to rent a bicycle:

“2 hours, single bicycle” -me

“2 hours, double bicycle?” –lady at counter

“Nono, 2 hours, SINGLE bicycle” –me

Lady gives me a sad look, her eyes fill with tears, most likely pondering who broke my heart:

“okay, 2 hours, single bicycle”

I also still don’t know what Koreans think of me. Sometimes I think they like me and think I’m like badass cool. I was talking to this guy who I met playing football and he asked me for my number so I can join them for football sometime. After I gave it to him I wanted to leave so I offered my hand for a handshake. He mistook this as a test of how cool he was and tried to do some crazy gang moves with my hand for a minute before giving up.

At other times I think they view me as a hopeless child whose inability to speak the language is a sure sign of mental incapability. This one time I ordered some weird food and had an obvious hard time with it. The two Korean dudes at a table next to me first tried to guide me how to do it, after which I kansamnidad them and kept struggling. So they called the waitress and made her pretty much cut up the meat for me. Most uncomfortable 5 minutes of my life. In fact, if I didn’t look so resolute in eating the food myself, I think she would have fed me as well.

Next up: Conversation with a Korean

Korean Dining

Hello again. Or as Koreans would say: anyangseyo (or something kinda similar, my Korean vocabulary is still at the level of a newborn).

Today I will talk about Korean food. As I’ve mentioned previously, groceries are really expensive here. Though the throng of Scandinavian students here begs to differ, Seoul is not a city where you will save money on food. However, it is relatively cheap to go out to eat, so my inability to cook isn’t that costly. Or that’s what I keep telling myself at least.

Expensive groceries and tiny stores = Martin won't cook much

A couple things about Korean dining. Koreans love food. However, if you think tabasco sauce is spicy, and you like to eat salad for lunch, Korea is not a place for you. I have yet to see lettuce anywhere in Seoul. Or green stuff in general.  Also, I think there’s a law that Korean food doesn’t count as food unless it sets your organs on fire. It consists mostly of meat marinated in the third circle of hell and unspecified sides that resemble vegetables, but are usually just as spicy. Every restaurant gives you free water but always in these tiny cups just to make me look foolish when I spend most of the meal just refilling my tiny cup with water.

Usually I have no idea what I'm eating, but at least in most restaurants you cook the food on your table

You can't order alcohol unless you order food. Since I am used to calculate the cost of food in the number of beers I could get instead, this infuriates me but also gives me a good excuse for my alcoholism. I no longer go out to drink, instead I go out to dine! Yes, I did drink a couple of bottles of soju but that was just to complement the plate of fries I had to order.

At least now I know that cafeteria food is universally not good anywhere

The thing that got me though was the way people looked at me when I poured a drink for myself. Everyone was staring me down like I was an animal. First I thought it was because of my obvious alcohol problem, but later I found out that you aren't supposed to pour for yourself but only pour alcohol to other people. So if you want a drink, you pour to a person who has an empty-ish glass and then you just pray to god he notices your generosity and pours you some back. Usually they do, but sometimes you have to start sighing heavily and look exasperatedly in your cup for a while before they take pity on you. Anyway to end it all, here is a picture of the best thing about Korea - Korean barbecue, where you often eat as much meat as you can for a fairly reasonable price:

Korean barbecue - one of the best things in Korea

First Impressions

The shock of coming to Seoul has (almost) worn off, and therefore it is time to summarize my first thoughts about this unusual place for those interested.

I must admit that when I arrived to Seoul I had a minor freak out. Reasons were my severe sleep deprivation, jet lag, culture shock and, most importantly, the size of my room.

Being a cheap bastard that I am, I rented a goshiwon, which is really a glorified closet with a half of a bed. Seriously, I have played on beer-pong tables that cover a larger area than my room. I can touch the opposite walls of my room with my hands at the same time.

A good thing about my room is that it has a bathroom. You think peeing in a shower is gross but I have no other option, seeing as my shower and my toilet are attached.

Another good thing is that I don’t have a window, therefore I can sleep at any time, seeing as I don’t know whether the sun is out or not! Also, no seasonal depressions (just a full-year one I guess).

Okay, so once I picked myself up from this coffin of a room I decided that I should explore Seoul to get my mind off things. Well, guess what. Korean language is a bit different than the Latin languages. You would think that in a metropolitan city like Seoul, English would be enough for basic communication, but you would be wrong. Even mundane tasks like ordering food has been a challenge for my s(e)oul (many more soul puns coming).

A critical reader might point out that my troubles are my own fault for being a cheap and language-ignorant chump. Which is a fair assessment, so I shall proceed to more objective matters.

Seoul is a big city, yet it is not a city for big people. All the shops are compact, so I find myself knocking things over all the time with limbs that were meant for empty plains and deserted islands. I also had no idea how big it is until I had the glorious idea of walking home after the public transport stopped working, which resulted in a 3 hour long sobering walk, where I almost died a couple of times in a forest right next to the highway.

City and nature clash in Seoul

So far I’ve had positive experiences with Koreans. Though their English level is still below-average unless they’re students, they are very polite and kind. They like their food spicy and their liquor flowing. In fact, the national Korean liquor Soju is the cheapest way to get drunk anywhere in the world (I think). Per alcohol it’s even cheaper than Czech beer! Unfortunately everything else is much more expensive in Korea than in Czech Republic, especially fruits, vegetables, and bread. So I’m trying to substitute all these other necessities with high consumption of soju. 

This is Korean wine, not soju

Anyway, that is as far as I will go for introduction. Once I explore more of Korea I will write more, however so far my comfort zone in Seoul doesn’t have a large radius, therefore I haven’t seen much. Here is the point where I write “good bye” in Korean, but despite trying to learn a couple words in Korean for the past week, I still have no idea how to say anything. So until next time!

P.S. “adult content” on the internet is censored in Korea. Quite counterintuitive, right?